SINGULAR AUDIENCE

Ramadan sudah hampir berakhir and I found myself missing my abah even more. I just can't get this image of him sitting with me and the rest of the family together during break fast. His smile, the way he talked, I miss them all.  I miss his smile the most. I wish that I can see his face one more time.  I miss him so bad it makes me want to cry though I don't know why I keep the tears at bay. I wish I can just let go. I wish I can just be alone just for a while and not think of anything. Everything hurts. Everything is hard. Life is hard.... and I just want to see him again. 

It was around 2.00 am and it was quite dark as the Lebuhraya Pantai Timur (LPT) were not lit by street lights. I was going steady 110km per hour and my kids were sleeping in their own carseats at the back. I wanted to go faster but no, gotta stay calm and focused. I was halfway from Port Dickson to Kuala Terengganu but the distance seemed too great to bear. Then, the call came. "Mi, Abah takdok doh...", my uncle, my father's brother said.  Another call came. "Angoh. Abah takdok doh ni..."  I thought I couldn't cry harder before I answered those calls and boy, I was wrong. I just couldn't control my wet face and it got all distorted and my chest hurt. Though I didn't stop. I kept driving.  Yes, on the 18th of March 2018, my father, my abah passed away due to stroke.  A little background story, when I was in kindergarten, I think, abah had a heart transplant where his heart was replaced by an artificial one. Because of that, he...